Wilde was often right with his witty one-liners but this time, he wasn’t. Despite my mother's poor dress sense which resembles a marshmallow, nosey disposition and general need to embarrass me; I would be very happy to be half the woman Jayshree is.
Here are reasons why my mummy is better than yours:
1. She is the least materialistic person I have ever met. Mum hadn't even heard of Swarovski until I was like 'errr you do realise you're giving me ridiculously expensive earrings?'. She taught me to be natural and grateful.
2. She uses slang. Not only does Jayshree understand what 'butters' means, but she also feels the need to say it - it's gone past being used for ironic purposes. This makes me cringe. However there have been a few occasions when she says things incorrectly. In attempt to say 'he stole from me' she said 'he jacked me off'. I don't want to know about my mother being jacked off, thanks.
3. She can be amazingly immature and often cries with laughter about stupid things e.g. when she hung two baby carrots from her ears like earrings EDIT: She cried with laughter again when she read and rememebered this moment
4. She is stoic and handles things like the Duchess of Malfi when shit goes down. She is not a blubbering mess who whines about how crap their life is. My mum has balls.
5. She always revises with me, even when she has no idea WTF is going on, and manages to make it Indian. 'Quatre is 4 in French.. Just think of Gujurati for scissors! (Katre)'
6. She is not a typical Indian woman. My mum is opinionated and assertive about things that matter. She encourages me to try new things and do what I want - as long as it's not stupid
7. She has accepted the fact that I will probably marry a white man. This is a big deal.
8. She takes the piss out of me. Not in 'A Child Called It' kind of way but she just talks to me like she's one of my friends. For instance, I bumped into a friend’s Gujarati grandma while on the phone to Mum and my instant response was ‘Kemcho!’... How my mother laughed. She also pissed herself when I fell into the toilet after having only just gone past potty training. Supportive.
9. She cooks the best food ever. Most people think their Mum's food is amazing but that's because they haven't tried Jayshree's. This is why I am fat.
10. She taught me to love unconditionally and forgive often.
11. She always knows when I'm drunk, even if I simply text her with ‘alright babes?’. This woman is a ninja.
12. She saves me newspaper articles, pictures or anything she thinks I might like so when I come back home from uni I tend to have to sift through a pile of animal photos
13. She has Facebook and regularly insults or embarrasses me on it
14. She smells nice :)
15. She is very talented and can swear at me in Gujarati and English in the same sentence
16. She knows who I’m referring to when I randomly exclaim ‘Jason!’ (Mraz) or ‘JT!’ (John Travolta) or ‘Dad!’ (Mr. O’Sullivan) and then rolls her eyes in a way that says ‘what kind of person did I raise’
17. She can see the positive side to anything. A few years ago, after an angiogram and having just learnt how to text (a minute a letter), she sent me a message saying ‘Don't come too early, I’m radioactive L.O.L’. At last she knows the dots are unnecessary.
18. She sits with me every time I watch 'Love Actually' or 'Bridget Jones' Diary' (this may also be due to the Colin Firth Factor).
19. She knitted me the only scarf I ever wear – something which looks like a Care Bear vomited on
20. She is a massive nerd who used to do the algebra, which I cried over not understanding, for fun.
I get it from my momma!
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